going nowhere

I always thought I would be one of those people who 'made it' at a young age, not necessarily in terms of success but more so having my life figured out. I remember having a breakdown at fifteen because "my life was going nowhere and I was already too old for my success to be anything meaningful". Looking back, I may have been a tad dramatic, but having run a successful blog already at age 9 had me thinking I would be going places. Nothing's really come of this determination in my life, I still think that in some fantasy world I could do something before it's too late, like open my own business at the ripe old age of seventeen. I don't know if anything will become of this either, because looking back at it now I don't really know how important is is to me now. Ambition and determination seem to become less and less, to decrease the more you get older, as you realize how slim the possibilites really are and become more aware that dreaming is sometimes just dreaming, that it's just unrealistic because the probability is so unlikely. I hate that mentality, but maybe it's part of growing up! I don't know, I don't even know why I'm writing this. But these are just a few thoughts.